Park Luncheonette

This is where the Myspace crowd hangs out.
334 Driggs Ave
Brooklyn, NY 11222

Park Luncheonette is like being stuck on an elevator with a bad pair of black jeans.

In the movie "The Departed" Leonardo DiCaprio punches someone at the very counter of Park Luncheonette. That movie, a Hollywood blockbuster by a director that once was good, and actors that have more name than talent, is about as memorable as this restaurant.

The brunch menu is standard overpriced white people brunch food. Lots and lots of eggs with desperate house salads clinging to the sides. My benedict was served congealed. For $10/plate you could get a better brunch in Baltimore.

Carroll Gardens Classic Diner

155 Smith Street (at Bergen Street)
Brooklyn, NY 11201

I like the boldness of putting "Classic Diner" in the name of this place (it's like me insistently adding "Genius" after my name) because it's not. It's more of a classic Greek style family restaurant, which is okay if you like that kind of thing. It's a comfortable place to sit, anyway, except for the wide screen TV's. TV's should never EVER be in a restaurant that takes itself seriously at all, and everyone should know that.

The really good thing about this place is that it's open ALWAYS, which to me is a special quality, even if I'm NEVER going to come here in the middle of the night. It's just nice to know, though-- when I wake up from nightmares at 3am, I can think, well, the CGCD is open right now! There is a great deal of comfort in that thought.

Some time ago I adopted the habit of ordering a Cobb Salad, whenever it's on the menu, as a kind of cuisine barometer. While the Cobb Salad here was $9.95, more than I'd prefer to spend on a lite lunch, it was HUGE. I wish it was half as much and half the size. But you know when restaurants DO offer half size entrees, they always price them like one dollar less than the full size, so you have to figure it's just more economical to get the full size one. Anyway, the good thing here was that one of the friendly and accommodating employees wrapped the remainder of my salad in like three layers of container, so when I got home and it had leaked through two layers, it still didn't get the inside of my bookbag soiled beyond repair.

The Cobb Salad itself was very good-- not the best I've ever had, but somewhat unique due to the addition of CORN. I mean, why not. I'm still sorely missing Milwaukee's Comet Cafe's discontinued 13 layer salad which was kind of a Cobb variation that included peas (which is what really made it special). My biggest complaint was that they didn't use the classic Cobb dressing, but instead gave me a choice. I don't like to have a choice. Though-- Cobb dressing is essentially a vinaigrette, which I don't like either, so I guess you just can't please me.

Well-- drunk at 4am, grits and bacon, The Queen of Paris France, The Carroll Gardens Classic Diner with NO TV's-- that would please me!

Cup Of Joe's

6 Cleveland Street
Lily Dale, New York 14752
716.595.3775

An Experience

Lily Dale is a spiritualist community of the "Modern Spiritualist Movement" in Western New York, an hour south of Buffalo, 25 minutes east of Lake Erie. Psychic mediums live here in story book houses set close together on dirt roads. They stick pieces of paper on the front doors for visitors to sign up for private readings. The town (only about 4 acres square) is on a lake and has it's own beach, a small (haunted) hotel you can stay in for $50/night, a town library (filled with books about new age crafts, astrology, ghost sitings etc.), a town historical museum, pet cemetary, two swans named Lily and Dale, and many make shift chapels "for the national religion of spiritual healing".

There are 3 restaurants in town, and the most unique of the eateries is a cafe called Cup of Joe's. Cup of Joe's is located inside Joseph Shiel's home, Joesph Shiel is a registered medium in the town of Lily dale and has his own website http://www.joeshiel.com/. His historic house is located on Cleveland St., the main dirt road. Inside, the living room has tables for seating and wall space for curated art shows. The current show housed watercolors of mandalas with titles like "New Energy". Through the living room is the kitchen and Joe's wife standing behind huge stacks of trays filled with fresh homemade baked goods- peach ginger scones, chocolate covered black current biscotti. The kitchen was beautiful and smelled like a hot oven baking. Everything was delicious, and the coffee was strong. Probably the best cup of coffee you can get in Lily Dale, and while you are there you can sign up with Joe for a reading. They also have live music.

After our coffee we headed down to the woods for a scheduled meeting at the Inspiration Stump, believed to be an ENERGY VORTEX. There were about 10 long benches set up around the stump, and many people (mostly middle aged woman) joined us on the benches. The town's local mediums were shuttled in on golf carts, and stood close to the stump. The mediums began talking to the crowd, picking people at random and telling them that dead people from their past were communicating to them.

"Lady with the hat there, do you have a woman with gray hair from your past? She misses you, she had a dog and was very kind".

"Lady there in the red shirt and glasses, I see that you feel stuck in your life, you need a career change, or a life change, something new, perhaps a move?".

"Woman in the robe, your husband is still in love with you."

Lomzynianka

646 Manhattan Ave
Brooklyn, NY
718-389-9439

Open 7 days from noon until 9pm

Until that gate in front opens, this place looks like a place you might not even venture into, because if you don't speak Polish you can't pronounce the name, and you might ASSUME that "Restauracja" means restaurant, but that's the kind of assumption that can get a traveler into big trouble. But this in not a foreign land, it's Greenpoint, and this place is right where Bedford meets Manhattan Avenue. The gate in the picture is halfway open, no doubt, to let air in while they cook lunch, or perhaps breakfast for very short people.

As soon as it's noon and you can walk in the door, however, you might forget about foreign lands-- you could be in Ohio, or Iowa, or Idaho. This is the kind of diner interior I LIVE for-- it's not a restaurant-- it's somebody's HOME!

The thing that is next most striking is not that you have traveled to a different place, but to a different TIME. Those prices on the menu can't be correct, can they? But they are. They even have a website-- http://www.lomzynianka.com/ --but even that looks like it came from some other time before websites.

I was very sad about not being able to order pierogies or blintzes, but there was so much else to eat anyway-- I accidentally ordered twice as much food as I could eat, because it was inexpensive, and the portions were so large. I had an amazing huge bowl of cold red borscht with sour cream. Also, a side of shredded beets, which I will keep thinking about daily until I can return. The man who took my order, who may have been the owner, gave me a funny look when I ordered those two things, as if in recognition of a "beethead." Maybe I am, I don't know. How could those shredded beets be so good-- something so simple? It's called HOME COOKING.

The menu on the website looks nothing as interesting as the menu I remember. You have to go to see it for yourself. I almost don't want to write a review of this place. It's the kind of secret you want to keep for yourself. But there are no secret restaurants these days. Who am I fooling? I'll see you there when I make a trip back to New York just for this place!

Dia:Beacon Cafe'

3 Beekman Street
Beacon, NY 12508
T: 845.440.0100

PACK A LUNCH!

The Dia:Beacon is one of the largest museums in the country with one of the worst cafes. The gourmet menu is overpriced and stale. A small side plate of air aged pasta was $5.95. I ordered cold cream of potato leek soup for $5, and it turned out to be half and half with 4 croutons on top. The Reuben sounded decent, but they were out, so I was stuck with the leftover portabella and mozzarella sandwiches rejected on a plate for who knows how many days. The sandwich tasted like refrigerator and it was $7. Not only was the food bad but the girl that rang my order up was being trained by a large townie that did nothing but correct the trainee for every wrong move. I threw half of the sandwich in the outdoor seating area designed by Robert Irwin and didn't look back.

Aurora

Williamsburg
70 Grand St
Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 388-5100
http://www.auroraristorante.com/main%20page.html

Sexy waitress with foreign accent does not equal good service

My boyfriend and I have had this Scrabble contest going. The first person to win ten games gets to go out the restaurant of their choice. I won, and have been dieing to return to this great little Italian place. If I'm going to go out to a fancy dinner, I want a place that serves weird meats, like carpaccio, rabbit, oxtail, botargo etc. things I can't really make at home.

We had to wait 30 minutes, it was a Saturday, and looked like maybe the Bush daughters were having an engagement party monopolizing the outdoor dining space. Once seated, there were dumb little candles in small paper bags on the tables which kept me from being able to see or read the menu. The music was set on what I imagine to be a 90's world music station, and was wayyy to loud. Lacking my two basic senses, sight and sound, I still managed to order fois grios, and my date ordered fish.

The waitress had a sexy accent, but was sort of slow, and brought me the wrong thing. Cute haircut with dyed blond tips.

When the foie gras did arrive, it looked awful, scary. Never seeing duck liver in this form, I felt like I had failed. But, the liver tasted like the best steak I HAVE EVER HAD. It was served with a poached pear, and it was just unbelievable. Buttery, rich, juicy, loved....

My companion's fish was also one of the best tasting fish dishes ever. A pan seared white fish on top of an asparagus puree with hints of cilantro, basil, and other secret ingredients that I couldn't place. Pan seared probably in butter, lots of rich creamy butter.

Dessert was a chocolate souffle with rose petal ice cream and fresh strawberries. Cutting into the souffle, warm caramel spilled out and oozed over the strawberries and ice cream creating a cold/warm goo reminisant of a good old fashioned McDonald's hot fudge sundae. I mean this in the best of ways, although I no longer participate in McDonald's, I still dream about that hot-cold thing they had going on with the caramel and ice cream.

The next day we went to watch zoombie movies at a friend's house. Aurora was mentioned. A friend, who's allergic to dairy, said he couldn't eat ANYTHING on the menu, because everything is cooked in butter, or served with cheese, or laced with cream.
I guess that's why it tastes so good.

(Warning: you'll spend at least $100 for two people, and it's cash only. They have an ATM conveniently located next to the unisex toilet.)

Matamoros

Matamoros Grocery
193 Bedford Avenue
Brooklyn, NY

In the back of this tightly packed mexican grocery store, you can find a no-frills eatery with such favorites as tacos, tamales, sopes, tortas and burritos, all served up on paper plates and styrofoam, as if you bought them on the sidewalk. But leave any hoity-toity standards at the door because fresh ingredients and a hot grill are all it takes to make this a great place to eat.

I like to go to Matamoros in the winter time and order one of their burritos. They have once been described as "caveman food" by another diner who was commenting on their brick-like girth and lack of yuppie flair. Neanderthals would love them. All that is inside one of these puppies is meat, beans, and rice. No Lettuce or cheese or anything else to get in the way of the basics. The burritos at Matamoros are "wet", meaning that they are covered with crema and a hot sauce of your choice. On my most recent visit I ordered the chicken burrito with red sauce, which really hit the spot.

Other favorites are the tacos. The al Pastor is pretty good, but the Carne Enchilada (spicy pork) is better. If you like beef, don't be afraid to try the Cecina- salty steak bits that happen to look like wet dog food chunks. If you don't eat meat, I'd recommend the veggie tacos or the excellent veggie/cheese tamales. The tamales are filled with peas and carrots and cubes of that firm, chewy type of Mexican cheese. yum. On the weekends they have a special: hangover-reducing pozole soup with chicken, served with tortillas smeared with refried beans and topped with dry cheese. Wash it all down with a choice of about 100 different canned and bottled juices and mexican sodas.

The place is no secret in the neighborhood and the three tables are often crammed together, spotted with taco grease, or you have to perch up on a stool next to the ice machine. No matter that the bathroom is marked "OUT OF ORDER", the food is worth holding it for a little while longer. The Last time I was there, they had some interesting music playing on a CD instead of the usual spanish-language radio station. It was some awesome kind of mexican video game/ pop music. It's the kind of music that a cactus wearing sunglasses would be listening to. Yeah, somewhere warm they are listening to this weird music and eating spicy food like this..

Special Feature: Food Trends

Food Trend Watch

Small pickles are the new caramelized onions. At places like Cobblestone Foods on Court St., and Zaytoon's on Smith St in Brooklyn, they're replacing caramelized onions with tasty little pickles that really help zest up meat.

At Cobblestone Foods I ordered a beef brisket sandwich and found tiny pickles inside. The pickles not only killed the taste of any weird meat that might be lingering, it also added a nice-salty vingery thrill. At Zaytoon's I ordered the Chicken Shawarma- (Slices of marinated Chicken from the rotisserie on a pita) and that too came with these tiny tasty pickles. I purchased three Shawarmas and brought them back to my office for my co-workers to try. Messy, we slurped up every bit, agreeing that the pickles totally made the sandwich.

http://www.zaytoonsrestaurant.com/
http://www.cobblestonefoods.com/

Casanova's

Casanova's Italian Eatery
338 McGuinness Blvd
Brooklyn, NY 11222

Tonight was my discovery of the "Grandma Slice" (a thin pie baked in a pan with minimal toppings of fresh or canned tomatoes (not sauce) and cheese) with a guy named Joe Gorillio. Does anyone remember Jerry Gorillio in Milwaukee? Lounge singer in his sixties...used to hang out(maybe still does) at Beans and Barley drinking Margaretas and watching rocker boys in tight black jeans bending to bus leftover Tempeh Ruebens.

Anyway, Cassanova is a divey cop hangout by the Pulaski Bridge. It's like an overly lit pizza bar, with no alcohol. On the menu cover a young man with a face mask holds a slice above his head allowing a long steak of cheese to drizzle into his mouth. My roommate and Joe Gorillio were stoned so they found the cover incredibly funny. On the plasma TV a movie about Jamacian Bob Sledding starring John Candy was playing, my companions found this fascinating as well.

The garlic knots are fair, and could use more garlic and less knot. If you're ever in NYC try to hunt down a Grandma Slice, it's the perfect combination of all the good elements of new york pizza for $2.50, and sometimes they throw a piece of basil on top. You don't have to specifically go to Casanova's to find this slice (I just go for the cops) but, The Grandma can be hard to hunt down, showing up more in Queens than the other 4 Burroughs.

Brick Oven Pizza Gallery

Brick Oven Pizza Gallery
33 Havemeyer St.
Brooklyn, NY 11211

Through the steamed-up window on Havenmeyer St. a medium lady and two big guys in puffy coats squeeze into a table and order 6 pizzas. Two tables over, in a merlot haze, a young Williamsburg couple projects a future for themselves far away where nature is involved. Ham wrapped shrimp induces a pair of skinny guys in the corner to complain about their intern fashion positions. While one of the large cooks takes a huge dump, and the scent of lavendar is sprayed everywhere in the tiny, only bathroom.

Valentine's Eve is when you go out for dinner. You can get a cab, get a table, and you can sit there as long as you want....take time to digest, make friends with the waitress, mentally redesign the interior of the restaurant. This is only if you're sure you're going to enjoy the time spent with your date. If that's unclear, go for Valentine's Day..then you might not even get a table, and may have the opportunity to ditch out early.

On Tuesday, February 13th we were seated next to a wall with a 6x6 inch door that opened to a lonely looking electrical outlet. The waitress came over, still wearing her coat and told us about the "Couple's Special". On the weekdays $40 gets you two personal pizzas, a bottle of cheap red or white wine, and a big salad. I've been to this place before, tried several pizzas, and know that the mushroom truffle oil with goat cheese pizza is the best thing on the menu. My bf, decided he would try the sun dried tomato and sausage pizza.

The pizzas are "personal", you get 4 pieces. The truffle pizza was amazingly consistent with the other times I'd ordered it. My bf's pizza was not so hot. In Milwaukee, (esp. at my favorite pizza place, Pizza Man) sausage comes in 1 inch hamburger bites, with lots of fennel, usually homemade by the pizzeria. In New York, I often run into these small sausage discs. The disc's ends often curl up and burn, and the middle pools up with grease. Also, the cheese was missing on his pizza. We ate all the truffle pizza, and the sausage slices were saved for breakfast. Which I'm eating now as I write this. Bad hot pizza often makes good cold pizza, and vice versa.

http://www.usmenuguide.com/brickovengallery.html

Cafe' Nova

Cafe Nova
210 Court Street (corner of Warren and Court)
Brooklyn, NY

Every time I go into this place the garbage can is in a new spot, and the coffee condiment station has been moved.

Theresa, Helen, Adrian, and that other cute guy that's enthusiastic about ceramics are what makes this place different from the million other pastry/coffee joints on Court Street in Cobble Hill. Even when the heat isn't working, or the A/C has blown out....they'll be standing behind the counter smiling, drawing you into the daily dramas of making panini sandwiches for $8/hour plus tips.

In a cafe that offers way too many food options that the space and time of the place can actually handle (salad bar, panini grill, gourmet pizzas) the employees make being understaffed a joy to watch. If you let them know you're a normal human and not some demanding cobble hill mom, they'll start talking to you while making your food, telling you how they like to go on fruit fasts, how they love their new Nintendo system, how they're still trying to figure out which Master's degree to get etc.

Cafe' Nova does have the best coffee on Court Street, and the homemade chocolate croissants are worth the extra dent in your butt, but, everything else is as good as any other, and without the employees serving it with a wink, I'm not sure how loyal I would remain to this place. I hope Cafe Nova's boss knows it's not necessarily the curried chicken under the heat lamp that's keeping customers coming back. Sometimes, it's friendly folk that keep doors open.

If you want to witness the charm of Cafe' Nova's staff go sooner than later, because the longevity of a career as a coffee shop barista is like my favorite beauty shop name: "Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow".

Pio Pio Riko

Pio Pio Riko
996 Manhattan Ave, (Greenpoint) Brooklyn 11222 At Huron St
718-349-5925

When you get off the G train Greenpoint stop, if you can get past the polish drunks laying on their backs unzipping their pants to piss, walk down the alphabetical streets-Kent, Java, India, and stop at Huron. Hidden amongst the polish sausage shops and bakeries, across the street from the painted bagel on fire, is an amazing Peruvian Restaurant. They make the best roasted chicken I've ever had. I even emailed my ex-boyfriend to tell him about this damn chicken. You can get the tastiest half chicken served with rice and beans (the beans are big and saucy, not mushed and pasty) for only $5.50. They have huge, delicious avacado salads with fantastic spicy dressing. As an appetizer they serve you these things that look like oversized corn nuts with a side of green spicy dressing for nut dipping.
The tables are white and red striped, the waitresses have no idea what you're talking about, and you'll end up watching Wheel of Fortune while your there.

Eat Records

Eat Records (aka "Eat")
124 Meserole Brooklyn,
New York 718-389-8083
http://www.eatrecords.com

Good chili, thickly sliced bread, nice board games, bad local art...sounds like most small owner run cafes, but this one sells used records, and has a listening station. The guys that work here tend to smell like they need a nap and a shower. The backyard is great for smoking a cigarette or eating a bagel under the rhododendron tree. Weekend brunches are made by local quasi chefs invited to create various kinds of stuffed omlettes, strawberry buckwheat pancakes, and various flavors of polish breakfast meat (bacon, keilbasi) on the side. Coffee served is a New York brand called MUD. MUD requests that all it's coffee be served with steamed milk, so when you order a coffee at "Eat" it automatically comes with steamed milk. Eat has a small group of local guys that go there and hang out ALL DAY. One of the Eat locals used to work with me at Beans and Barley Restaurant in Milwaukee. He was my busboy, I was the waitress. Small world. Eat also has prefix dinners, they usually run about $15 plate, and include wine and at least three courses, again made by a random local chef. For the prefix nights, Eat sticks all their tables together, throws a white sheet over them, and everyone eats together family style. The music is usually pleasurable, and if you find a record you like, they'll play it for you.

http://www.eatrecords.com