Dairy Keen

199 South Main
Heber City, UT

I have always loved places that have model trains running around the inside of the restaurant. I’ve been to many such places in my life and I never get sick of them. The Dairy Keen's train runs through a lot of historical representations and includes a replica of a train called “The Heber Creeper.” Anywhere else, that name would have referred to the local serial killer, but this place was like not only going back in time, but going back to that ideal kind of innocent, safe, happy and healthy America that never existed. I didn’t look too closely at the landscapes the train was traveling through, worried that passing through geography, ideology, and time all at once might ruin my appetite.

The Dairy Keen is a real small town hamburger joint, about a half hour drive from Park City, Utah. The big sign in front says “Home of the Train”—which refers to the train, of course, and also their specialty, the “Train Burger,” which is a good, above-average cheese burger, nothing fancy. Nothing here is fancy, or expensive. The train is fancy. The “special sauce” is mayonnaise mixed with ketchup, no matter what anyone says. If you run out of the special sauce, there is a condiment table where you can mix mayonnaise and ketchup in little paper tubs.

I guess it was originally a Dairy Queen, which they bought, and changed the sign, as simply and cheaply as possible, replacing the “Qu” with a “K.” You have to admire that. The name stuck, and it seems like their business is doing well. The place was full when we stopped in, lots of families and young people, and even young girls wearing cheerleading uniforms. The milkshakes looked good, and there were like 50 different kinds on the menu, but I got vanilla so that I could judge it against all other vanilla milkshakes. It was the super cold, impossibly thick kind that you just had to eat with a spoon. I'm sure if I hadn't eaten it, it would still be frozen solid now, a month and a half later. It was good, too good. Sure, I regretted it, but that’s what I’d get if I ever returned.

Matamoros

Matamoros Grocery
193 Bedford Avenue
Brooklyn, NY

In the back of this tightly packed mexican grocery store, you can find a no-frills eatery with such favorites as tacos, tamales, sopes, tortas and burritos, all served up on paper plates and styrofoam, as if you bought them on the sidewalk. But leave any hoity-toity standards at the door because fresh ingredients and a hot grill are all it takes to make this a great place to eat.

I like to go to Matamoros in the winter time and order one of their burritos. They have once been described as "caveman food" by another diner who was commenting on their brick-like girth and lack of yuppie flair. Neanderthals would love them. All that is inside one of these puppies is meat, beans, and rice. No Lettuce or cheese or anything else to get in the way of the basics. The burritos at Matamoros are "wet", meaning that they are covered with crema and a hot sauce of your choice. On my most recent visit I ordered the chicken burrito with red sauce, which really hit the spot.

Other favorites are the tacos. The al Pastor is pretty good, but the Carne Enchilada (spicy pork) is better. If you like beef, don't be afraid to try the Cecina- salty steak bits that happen to look like wet dog food chunks. If you don't eat meat, I'd recommend the veggie tacos or the excellent veggie/cheese tamales. The tamales are filled with peas and carrots and cubes of that firm, chewy type of Mexican cheese. yum. On the weekends they have a special: hangover-reducing pozole soup with chicken, served with tortillas smeared with refried beans and topped with dry cheese. Wash it all down with a choice of about 100 different canned and bottled juices and mexican sodas.

The place is no secret in the neighborhood and the three tables are often crammed together, spotted with taco grease, or you have to perch up on a stool next to the ice machine. No matter that the bathroom is marked "OUT OF ORDER", the food is worth holding it for a little while longer. The Last time I was there, they had some interesting music playing on a CD instead of the usual spanish-language radio station. It was some awesome kind of mexican video game/ pop music. It's the kind of music that a cactus wearing sunglasses would be listening to. Yeah, somewhere warm they are listening to this weird music and eating spicy food like this..

Phan's Garden

Phan's Garden
21st & National Ave.
Milwaukee, WI.

I debated whether to discuss Laotian or Vietnamese food first, but I think it has to be Vietnam. It will be a primer, if you will, for the hardcore South East Asian Laotian fare which I will discuss in the future.
Phan's Garden is by no means a pretty looking place. The walls are painted a bright pink and the maroon naugahyde booths clash with the 40's style wood bar along the back. Along this bar are those chinese jade trees with gaudy orange 'fruit' hanging from them. It is a bit of a dive that probably leaves first time visitors wondering about the cleanliness of the kitchen.
Most first timers to Phan's will probably not stray from the Chinese fare on the menu, instead they will stare over at other tables where entire families are each tearing into large bowls of soup with a big plastic spoon and chopsticks, barely coming up for air. And this brings me to the main feature at Phan's - the inexpensive, well prepared, Vietnamese style soups known as Pho`.
Once you try the Vietnamese fare, you'll realize that you've been cheating yourself out of a real treat. And, no, youre not eating pig eyeballs and tapeworms, but you will need to make some slight adjustments. I would expect a first time acquaintance with a fish ball to be met with not a little suspicion.
Before we get into the Pho (pronounced 'fuuhh' not 'fo' ) try an appetizer of Spring Rolls. These are similar to the Thai style spring roll : Rice noodles, shrimp, bean sprouts, carrots, and sliced pork are rolled into a rice flour wrapper and eaten with a side of Sriracha chili paste and peanut sauce. They are also served vegetarian with mint and cilantro added.
The Egg Rolls are a good choice. They differ from the chinese style. The wrapper is thinner and crispier, and the filling is a peppery pork filling with cellophane noodles. These are served with a side of sweetened fish sauce.
Now for the pho`. The stock is basically the same for all the soups. Vegetable stock is simmered with onion, garlic, star anise and lettuce. The soup choices are self explanatory and all soups are served with a heaping plate of bean sprouts, basil, cilantro, limes and jalapeno or serrano chilies. These condiments are to be added to your taste when the soup is served.
Try the traditional beef Pho Dac Biet (B1). This contains rice noodles and sliced raw beef. The beef becomes fully cooked in the piping hot broth and is ready to eat by the time you are done adding the condiments. This is probably the most popular item on the menu and comes in two sizes - large and extra large.
A tamer version of the above is Pho Ga`, which contains rice noodles and chicken, except that the chicken is fully cooked before being added the broth.
One of my favorites is the B - 10 BBq Pork & Yellow Noodle. The noodles are egg based and are a bit easier to handle with chopsticks. The barbecue pork is well done and covered in a pinkish semi sweet glaze. Not your traditional Western BBq pork, but well worth a try.
Mi Thap Cam is seafood based, containing shrimp, squid and fish balls, which are seasoned, firm balls of fish that taste more like sausage.
Most soups can also be served served "dry" without the broth. Others selections such as Bun Thang (currently this has my vote for the best named dish ever) are exclusively served dry. This one contains pork loaf and an egg yolk topping that is quite delicious.
For dessert try the Tri Color, which contains coconut milk, crushed ice, agar, and fruit (Longan, Rambutan and jackfruit) served in a tall glass with a spoon. There is also an avocado and milk based drink that seems popular but I don't know the name of it.
SO... don't be shy. Turn to page three of the menu and dig into the Vietnamese specialties at Phan's Garden. You won't be disappointed.

Palermo's Villa

Palermo's Villa Pizzeria
2315 N. Murray St.
Milwaukee W !.
532**


OK... well we ended up going to Palermo's instead of the California Pizza Kitchen ( Which is in that new "concept" shopping mall that they say looks like a "small-town downtown" except that it is populated with things like Baby Gap and has all of the car traffic and absolutely none of the ambience. When I say 'ended up' that means Palermo's was really our second choice. See, The California Pizza Kitchen was full of people, but when we got to the door, there hung a sign that said "Employees Only - Training Night".
So at this point half of our party bailed and called it a night. The rest of us were determined to get pizza, and, like Fridtjof Nansen's crew of the FRAM, the sensible half called it a night and went home, while we marched on to our bleak doom.
We scuttled away from the Bayshore concept mall and motree'd back to the friendly confines of the 'Eastside' where on any given night you can see packs of frat boyz doing all kinds of damage to the residents trash bins. We managed to find a parking spot three blocks away and soldiered on. "THAT would never happen at Bayshore Concept Mall " , I cought myself muttering under my breath...
All this walking reminded me that my only other experience eating a slice of Palermo's was at Summerfest. After walking around for hours, dodging overhead loogies from the cable car ride, I sidled up to the feed counter and slapped down 12 food tickets (six bucks) and got a sort of soggy thin crust triangle completely covered in tomatoes and garlic. It was very salty too, but after five pints of Sprecher Amber, it tasted purty damn good.
Another side note if I may... I must contextualize Palermo's. Recently they built a large pizza factory in the "Revitalized Menomonee Valley". Basically, Milwaukee has this big vision that if they plow over the old polluted valley, then suddenly all these businesses will flock to the shores of the old Menomonee River. Kind of like their pathetic "If we build a big Art Museum they will flock to our shore of Lake Michigan". If you move your business to the valley you are a "Partner". And it carries the connotation that you are concerned about the health and welfare of the valley.
So far, Palermo's is the only taker, having built an ominous white structure in the middle of the barren valley where they crank out their grocery store frozen pizzas (YES, that's right. Remind me to tell you about how I can't get my favorite Jewel brand frozen pizza anymore .) and, ostensibly, their restaurant fare is made here too.
Still with me? Phew!! We walk into the old storefront on Murray Street. I vaguely remember two or three other failed restaurants in this location. The place was absolutely packed. It had a bar up front and the hostess station near the back of the room past the bar. If you can make it back there, you will then see that they connected through to the next storefront for their dining area. I didn't notice this from the outside. I was too busy staring at the concrete and mumbling. Well the dining room was packed too, but there was one booth all the way at the back (front?) at the window. We all squuezed thru (sp?) and sat down. We had a commanding view of the USA BANCORP (I'm gonna spend all night tossing and turning thinking about that word) ATM across the street.
I really wanted a beer. I ordered a Riverwest Stein, which is a hearty, locally produced favorite, but alas, Palermo's, Partner of Milwaukee, doesn't sell Riverwest Stein. So I settled for a Heineken. At this point I took in the decor. They had a wainscotted look with black on the bottom and a wine red on top. It was the typical "Coming back to Mamma's" and "You are part of the family" Italian stereotype. There were all these phony family portraits on the wall that look like the throw - away insert you get when you buy a picture frame at Walgreens. They splurged on two oversized Lithograph reproduction posters. One shows an espresso bistro who is simultaneously driving a steam engine and making espresso. The other was one of those stock bicycle images. There were all kinds of ridiculous potpourri type knick knacks strewn about &c. &c. &c.
I started off with the "Italian Salad", which to my dismay contained (I'm not exaggerating here) 1/2 cup of black olives strewn about a blighted sliver of romaine. There was one slice of tomato on top and the whole thing was soaked in what tasted suspiciously like corn oil. Well after the near death march any caloric intake was welcome, so I did my best and picked away at it for a minute as I waited for my appetizer, Calamari. These were of the tough chewy variety and they only serve the ringed section of the squid instead of the more delicate tasting (yet frightening looking?) squiggly top half. These were served with a portion cup of leftover pizza sauce and my request for a wedge of lemon was never fulfilled.
At this point I ordered another Heineken to soften the blow of the main course. Spinach & Tomato Pizza (with Grilled Chicken) . This pizza was of the semi - thin - crust, triangular-cut variety. The slightly raised crust was, in retrospect, the best part of the meal. The chicken on top was so dried out it was almost unchewable. The pizza sauce, to my horror, tasted nothing like the sauce that arrived with my calamari, leaving me to dwell upon the vintage of that side sauce. But the thing that really stood out was the SALT. This by far was the saltiest tasting pizza I've ever eaten. I mean it was wierd how salty it was. It paled in comparison to a Tombstone pizza. It was that real fine crystal type stuff, perhaps mixed with a little Monosodium Glutamate for good measure. Nobody managed to eat a complete slice, however I did peel the crust off three more slices and wolf that down.
We all declined on dessert of Tiramisu or Flourless Chocolate Cake. We beat it as fast as we could to our Riverwest neighborhood tavern - Polish Falcon and knocked back enough Riverwest Steins to rival the monks in a Bremen Monastery.