Dairy Keen

199 South Main
Heber City, UT

I have always loved places that have model trains running around the inside of the restaurant. I’ve been to many such places in my life and I never get sick of them. The Dairy Keen's train runs through a lot of historical representations and includes a replica of a train called “The Heber Creeper.” Anywhere else, that name would have referred to the local serial killer, but this place was like not only going back in time, but going back to that ideal kind of innocent, safe, happy and healthy America that never existed. I didn’t look too closely at the landscapes the train was traveling through, worried that passing through geography, ideology, and time all at once might ruin my appetite.

The Dairy Keen is a real small town hamburger joint, about a half hour drive from Park City, Utah. The big sign in front says “Home of the Train”—which refers to the train, of course, and also their specialty, the “Train Burger,” which is a good, above-average cheese burger, nothing fancy. Nothing here is fancy, or expensive. The train is fancy. The “special sauce” is mayonnaise mixed with ketchup, no matter what anyone says. If you run out of the special sauce, there is a condiment table where you can mix mayonnaise and ketchup in little paper tubs.

I guess it was originally a Dairy Queen, which they bought, and changed the sign, as simply and cheaply as possible, replacing the “Qu” with a “K.” You have to admire that. The name stuck, and it seems like their business is doing well. The place was full when we stopped in, lots of families and young people, and even young girls wearing cheerleading uniforms. The milkshakes looked good, and there were like 50 different kinds on the menu, but I got vanilla so that I could judge it against all other vanilla milkshakes. It was the super cold, impossibly thick kind that you just had to eat with a spoon. I'm sure if I hadn't eaten it, it would still be frozen solid now, a month and a half later. It was good, too good. Sure, I regretted it, but that’s what I’d get if I ever returned.