Alpine Village

10401 N Cedarburg Road 51W
Mequon, Wisconsin 53092, USA

Alpine Village

I've included USA in the address, because on a typical visit to the Alpine Village, you may forget what country you're in. No you won't, but you may forget what decade you're in. This place is so much in another era, I'm not entirely sure it ISN'T reached by some kind of time-warp. We may as well just assume it is.

If you happen to visit the state of Wisconsin, the one place you MUST visit, besides The House on the Rock, is the Alpine Village. Open since 1949, it appears to be unchanged, though you can no longer catch your own trout in the pond, though still there, built into the front of the dining room. You can, however, order Veal Cordon Bleu, which is weirder. Or Wiener Schnitzel, Osso Bucco, Sautéed Calve's Liver, and an appetizer of water chestnuts wrapped in bacon. All will be eaten to live music standards played by some real human beings. Save (or make) room for an amazing dessert, Strawberry Schaum Torte, which is a meringue shell holding up ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream, which rises nearly four feet off the table. Maybe not four feet, but it feels that way, especially in your memory.

After eating all of that, it is a good time to visit the "Bridal Tower" in the back of the restaurant, which is connected to the extensive wedding banquet facilities. This is kind of a shrine to the ritual of marriage, but it has the effect of making you feel like you have shrunken to doll size and are wandering in an insane children's playland. On one visit, things became even more surreal when I heard music coming from further back, and upon investigation found an entire room dancing to a polka band consisting of older women wearing gold lame’ costumes. It was like stumbling onto a Rolling Stones concert, almost, that is if the Stones still knew how to dress.

Part of the surreal, time-warp experience of the Alpine Village is FINDING IT, hidden in strange, rural Wisconsin, so I'm including directions to enhance the experience. Take I-43 north of Milwaukee to Mequon, and get off at the Mequon Road exit. Travel west, and take a left on Range Line Road. Follow that to Donges Bay Road and take a right. Follow that until it dead ends at the river. Turn around and head back to River Road, take a left and travel north. Turn left on Mequon Road and turn left and proceed to the nearest gas station or convenience store. Ask directions to the Alpine Village. Ignore the blank stares and continue on, searching the darker than pitch Wisconsin night. You have now entered the Alpine Village Zone, and when you finally come upon the enormous parking lot and ivy covered old-world structure, and lighted blue sign whose shape makes no sense, you will be ready to face the hostess with the beehive hairdo and the heavy chandeliers that always remind me of that Pasolini movie "Salo" --and dinner.